We Miss Our Sunshine

It has been a long time that this blog is updated. It is difficult to sit down to type out the feelings that I feel; and without writing about it, it is difficult for me to continue to document our Journey. At the same time, I also want to be fair to Huirou that she gets a fair share of memories in this period of time.

I think it is just easiest to not care about format grammar and presentation…and just tell the story and my feelings at this moment.

On April 29th, 2011, Zhixin passed away. He was not severely sick and did not have an accident. In our hearts we hope that he has gone to the Land of Amitabha, and that when we meet the real him, we would start to understand what happened. Right now, I like to think that God needed his light to guide another soul.

I will always remember him as a strong boy for as soon as he learns to walk he will not fall even on my freshly mopped floors.

I will always remember him as a compassionate soul for he will comfort us if we are sad or angry. One of his first words is “ 么 “ for why or maybe what’s wrong. 

I will always remember him as a smart toddler for who knew a not-yet-2 year can wear shoes, even getting left and right correctly.

I will always remember him as a super extremely easy child to care for. For the first 2 months of his life he basically slept 22 hours a day and nursed like a champ. He seldom cries and is very sensitive to our emotions. Meaning that when we are tired he is also quiet and when we want to play, he is always up for a game of rough and tumble.

I will always remember him as a friendly lovable attention magnet for I have never seen a baby attract as much attention as him. Strangers offer to hold him all the time. At our regular mixed rice stall, we get extra rice and a special rate if he is there. RM8 to feed a family 4 is the common rate with Zhixin, otherwise it is RM10 or RM11 for the same dishes and less rice. We always get extra cookies at Black Canyon- whether we ordered drinks or not. Have you had somebody gave you a Mcdonald’s Sundae out of the blue? We have. We’ve had the same baby sitter for all our children and we can tell that more attention is showered upon him. Aunty is all praises for him and when he was sick, hunt for all possible ways to cure him. Her sons hold him as soon as they get home from work and her daughters keeps his photos in their handphones!

His favourite person must be Huirou, for you can always see that he is happiest when he sees her. When they are playing, if he falls he will ask for Huirou by calling for his “Che che” first. He likes to follow along what she is doing; and we often arrange them at one on each end of a small table to do colouring. Huirou, blessed her heart is his biggest guardian, strongest ally and best of friends. I can always count on her to guard him and to see that he does not get into trouble when I am busy. She will run to me if he is about to break some house rules and when I run to see, Zhixin will be grinning ear to ear, knowing that he is well- protected.

But alas, although we were vigilante days and nights, something must have happened that night. Sometimes, things happen even when you have done everything right.